Once Upon a Time
by miss latvia
Summary: Sometimes, Raivis doesn’t really understand what freedom means. He feels like a toy, passed between bullies and forced, manipulated into doing things that he cannot believe in.


Sometimes, Raivis doesn't really understand what freedom means. He feels like a toy, passed between bullies and forced, manipulated into doing things that he cannot believe in. He remembers fighting, fighting weakly and worriedly and not knowing if he would live to see tomorrow and _they marched and they fought and all he could do was cry_.

Once upon a time (because Raivis thought that if he started stories this way, they'd have a 'happily ever after' too) there was fire. Russia was fighting and so Latvia was fighting, and the fighting kept on going and going until all Raivis could do was hide, cloak himself in the darkness of his bedroom wishing her knew how to win.

It felt like forever, but he steps out into the light. He feels the sun and he smiles, but that was not _happily ever after_. Ivan said it was okay, he didn't mind that Raivis had fought against that tiny part of him. Raivis felt a burst of freedom – but what he had thought was freedom was nothing more than a lie. Russia came and Russia smiled and lied and tore and broke and made him desperate to curl up with his brothers, desperate to hide away and never try again.

Then, suddenly, it was like being free. Raivis was taken from Russia's house, his small, tight room empty of his shaking and whimpering as he was kidnapped (Russia always called it that, always said that his little Baltic was stolen like a Prince from the Royal Household). Even though he was strong and he fought and he tried –_ tried so hard_ – to make Ivan proud, Ivan abandoned him and moved to fight elsewhere. Ludwig came and Ludwig stole him and put him in a room, and he could hear the sounds of Italy and Japan and happiness and liberty, and he wondered if that's what Russia was like once, before the darkness and the fear. A part of him was with Ivan, though, a chain, a heartbeat, wrapped around the man's neck like a reminder that _no, you're not Ludwig's, you're mine_. But that wasn't true, because Ivan had shrugged and said 'it's alright, Ludwig, Raivis is quiet anyway' and walked away. Latvia cried alone.

It felt like forever that he was locked up with Ludwig, chained to a state that he hated, enduring it but regretting not taking advantage, not relishing the smaller liberties he was given with Germany. He was quiet but he wasn't stupid, he had learned from Edward and Toris and he knew that he could be as sly as the rest of the world. Secretly, secretly he rebelled, he fought and he ran and he cried and sobbed but he won. Germany loses (Raivis had secretly prayed that Ludwig would be beaten) and Raivis runs, he breaks free and he cries, he suddenly understands _liberty._ Although his voice is quiet and although he stammers over the words and shakes as he says it, he shouts his own independence, he stands tall and smiles, smiles for the first time in decades.

Ivan was mad.

Ivan fought back, Ivan said that Latvia was his, he loved Latvia and _didn't you miss me, Raivis? I fought hard, I wanted to save you, I'm sorry I'm sorry_ but Raivis didn't want to believe it – he knew promises were broken, he knew that he was alone. Suddenly, when the shadows were large and Raivis felt lost and scared and broken beyond repair, Edward came and ruffled his hair and Feliks laughs and talks about Liet and even Arthur pats him on the back, offering him support. It's strange, all so strange to Raivis, but suddenly his eyes fill with tears, but they're not the bad kind they're the kind you get on your birthday, the kind you get when you realise that maybe, maybe there's a happily ever after at the end.

It was strange, suddenly being accepted and being allowed to be who you are, even if there is that fear, that tyranny watching your every move. But he knew that he didn't do it alone. Again, again Ivan was to blame, Ivan with his lies and his promise and _you're free now, Raivis, does it feel nice?_ And the subtle way he makes Raivis believe liberty is forever. The rest of the world may accept him now, but he was still seen as a pet, Russia's little child trying to rebel against what had been a firm hold. Things were broken, broken, but Latvia boomed and though he was torn, he lived and breathed and suddenly everything was bright. He wondered for a long time _is this happily ever after?_ But like many things, it was soon shattered.

He had always known Ivan was a liar – the rest of the world seemed to expect it, even if they knew Ivan was breaking their worshipped laws.

He hadn't wanted to fight. He had wanted to be quiet and hide behind his brothers and be peaceful, be shocked by the bombs and the explosions and the crying of his countrymen. But again, again and again and again, he lost his own right – lost his choice, and Ivan wrapped an arm around him and smelled his hair, whispering how much he had missed him and how much things were going to change, change for the better because now Ivan was happy, he had his little prince back. Raivis was scared and he cried but Ivan just laughed and said yes, yes he was happy too but he couldn't cry, couldn't show his joy because there was work to be done.

The country was forced, and Raivis cried. Ivan tried to make it legal, he called elections and laughed and hummed and drank, but suddenly Raivis' countrymen were being forced away, put into trucks and lost and now he was even more alone, locked in that old room. But it happened again, over and over, replaying the same memories and the same thoughts and breakdowns. Ludwig was wild, he was strong and had a sudden power that was reminiscent of the first time he stole Raivis, the first time he was kidnapped. He has to fight for Ludwig now, he was torn away from his brothers to fight for a man who is stern, strong and strange, changed from who he once was, and Raivis hates it, hates him for coming and killing his home and killing his body. He learned to write poems;

_We are as if between gates,  
Between gates we have built our home  
For other peoples to trample over._

Ludwig punished him too, cutting him and his heart and his land and it hurt and he cried but he had nothing, no strength and no will, so he gave in and he let the man destroy what was left of his mind. But then it was over, it was over and he was hugged and he didn't _understand_, didn't realise until he smelt the vodka and heart the sigh and the happiness in the accent, and then he knew that it was the end, the end of his sanity and the end of any hope he had ever learned to believe in.

And that's where it ended. He was caught now, a fish in the net, a toy soldier and a pawn to a man far above him. He hid with his brothers, captured and on display like a goldfish. Europe watched but did nothing, said nothing and was just amused, focussing on their own issues and their own problems, and at night Raivis cried and wished that he had never been created.


End file.
